Expert identifies common communication misstep parents make with children

A prominent child development expert, Siggie Cohen, who has reportedly worked with more than 5,000 children, has drawn attention to a pervasive communication problem she observes among parents. According to CNBC Top News, Cohen states that a specific parental communication style, often intended to be helpful, can inadvertently lead to adverse outcomes in a child's development and behavior. Cohen notes that many parents frequently ask their children "why" questions when addressing misbehavior. For instance, questions such as "Why did you hit your brother?" or "Why did you draw on the wall?" are common. However, the expert suggests this approach is largely ineffective and can even be counterproductive. Children, especially younger ones, often lack the nuanced understanding or vocabulary to articulate the underlying reasons for their actions in such moments. Consequently, these questions can put a child on the defensive or lead to them feeling misunderstood. Instead of focusing on the "why," Cohen advocates for a shift towards understanding the "what" and "how." She proposes that parents should describe the observed behavior without judgment and then inquire about the child's feelings or intentions in a more open-ended manner. For example, instead of asking "Why did you throw that toy?", a parent might say, "I saw you throw the toy. What were you hoping would happen?" or "How were you feeling when you threw it?" This method encourages children to reflect on their actions and emotions, fostering self-awareness rather than defensiveness. The specialist also stresses the critical role of establishing clear and consistent boundaries. Children thrive with structure and understanding what is expected of them. When boundaries are vague or inconsistently enforced, children may test limits more frequently, leading to increased conflict. Clear expectations, communicated calmly and firmly, provide a sense of security and help children learn self-regulation. Furthermore, Cohen advises parents to consider the timing and context of their conversations. Approaching a child about misbehavior when both parties are calm and receptive is vastly more effective than engaging in a heated discussion during or immediately after an incident. This allows for a more productive dialogue focused on learning and problem-solving, rather than escalating emotional responses. By adopting these revised communication strategies, parents can foster more constructive interactions and support their children's emotional and behavioral growth.